Crimson Ecstasy
by Alexiel Reborn
Summary: Akito is dying, hating everything, but the taste of blood on his lips. He’s been rejected, hated all his life and the only escape he can find is in the pain of others, specifically his beautiful Yuki. Will he die a bitter sadist or will he find his paradi
1. Chapter One

**Author's Note: **Yeah, I haven't finished any of my other stories yet and I'm starting a new one. Oh well. I'm still working on my other ones though.

**Warnings:** This story will contain extreme violence, rape, and masochism, as well as sadism, by the time it's finished so don't say I didn't warn you.

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Chapter One

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I need anyone. I'm desperate. I'm desperate for someone to love me or pretend to love me. Anything to escape this emptiness in my soul.

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Akito felt his head began to ache in the junction in between his eyes and he almost wanted to let out a groan, but he refrained. These frequent headaches were beginning to get on his already stressed nerves, but Hatori had not provided an answer for him yet, despite his constant badgering. Lolling his head back against the rough cloth of the armchair, he managed to release some of the pressure. He felt his body begin to shiver and his skin prickled as though a cool draft had just wafted through the room.

He was seated rather lazily by the fireplace that had been built in his room, but despite the roaring fire's zealous attempts Akito could feel none of its warmth. Akito felt his fingers twitch oddly of their own accord and his body began to slowly seize up in panic. _Not this again…_He begged, but his pleas were not heard. The attacks were beginning again.

First Akito felt his mouth grow dry and it seemed to him like his tongue had swelled tenfold in his mouth, a mass of swollen flesh that rolled around in his mouth preventing him from making any coherent sense as he began to cry out wildly. His vision spun as he grasped violently to hold onto the arms of the chair, but still he felt like his feet were being upended from him, tossing him savagely across the room. He tried desperately to stand up, but his knees began to buckle and he felt rough hard wood against his skin.

Tears formed unwanted in his eyes, spilling down, unable to be held in check as the pain in his head doubled till he could barely think. All he could hear was a faint buzzing that drove him crazy and made him want to rip his own ears off. Pain lashed through his body and he felt his arms and legs jerk of their own accord. His indiscernible cries continued, unnoticed like a blade of bent grass on a vast lawn .

The pressure in his head escalated and the climax of his attack approached. Crimson streamed down his face, pouring from his nose as his eyes rolled crazily back in their lids, eyelashes fluttering as though they were trying to defeat some unknown opponent. His back arched on the floor and his hands gripped frenziedly in the air, and when finding nothing tangible to grasp onto his heart spasmed again.

Slowly the tremors subsided and the pain faded from his head, but nothing could erase the throbbing in his heart. He gasped frantically onto the wooden floor, his breath leaving moisture, sticky and wet on it's surface. Tears were falling softly from his eyes and landing with soft splashes on the polished wood, a touch of imperfection marring flawlessness.. He could taste bitter blood on his lips, the sweet pungent tang of life itself and he gently reached his fingertips to brush away the warm liquid only to stare disbelievingly at the deep scarlet that stained the paleness of his hands.

Akito rested his head back down on the hard ground and closed his eyes, trying to hold back his sobs. His arms drew around himself in a steadying embrace, his arms shaking weakly as he struggled to regain control over his weakened body. _I called…_He thought feverishly to himself…_I called but no one answered…no one came…to help…_

"Ha...Hatori!" he managed to call out as loud as his struggling lungs would allow him to. Still there was no answer. "I'm all alone…again.." he found himself whispering, a numbness washing over his entire body.

Bracing himself on the ground he gingerly pushed himself up and stood on wobbly feet. His robes hung looser than ever on his scrawny body, barely a frame for the thin cloth to cling to. The room before him swayed back and forth and as Akito tried in vain to take his first step, he stumbled and felt himself smack back down on the ground, a new spurt of blood emerging from his dripping nose. His fingers lay still in defeat, barely twitching as he succumbed to the horrible cold darkness that swallowed up his aching heart and left nothing behind but the empty shell of his being.

Akito woke two hours later, his eyes fluttering open with exhausted reluctance and the first thing he saw was the dried blood pooled out before him. His aching limbs told him that he was still lying on the floor and no one had found him. It figured though, no one was ever in a rush to see him. His pulse seemed to have returned to normal as well as his breathing and he felt his joints crack in protest as he sat up. He shivered, pulling his loose robes tighter around his body and he sat in a huddled silence.

The attacks had started again. He had thought he had gotten rid of them as a young child. A whole different kind of shiver racked his body and he wanted so bad to scream or cry or yell, but none of it would change anything. He could feel it approaching, the silent cold pall of death was looking upon him with a renewed gaze.

"I'm not ready yet.." He gasped wildly, closing his eyes in disbelief as he gripped his hands tight into fists. This wasn't fair at all….not fair at all. How was he supposed to live like this? How was he supposed to continue on with so much pain and no one that was willing to share it with him?

His feet lifted himself up off the ground and he managed to only slid slightly on the smear of his blood. Step after step he managed to slowly stumble his way across the room. He had to find Hatori….had to tell him…Had to tell anyone. He needed someone so badly right now. He didn't care, just as long…as he didn't feel the chilly hands of loneliness squeezing his heart anymore.

He burst into Hatori's office a few minutes later to find the doctor deep in thought. Akito stood their panting for a full minute, too wearied to say anything, for an entire minute before the man looked up at him. Hatori's eyes widened slightly at the sight of blood, but he seemed to shrug it off as a normal occurrence with Akito and looked at him expectantly.

"Yes. What was it that you wanted, Akito." Hatori asked coldly, as though he was annoyed at being interrupted.

Akito stumbled forward a little in disbelief before he managed to regain his cool composure. "It happened again…my attacks…" he managed to say with a reasonable amount of control for his condition.

Hatori 'hmmed' a little and nodded his head. "I'll be sure to write it down in my book. " he said absentmindedly as he turned away and returned to his work.

Akito felt something inside his break and his face tightened up as he struggled to keep control of his emotions. "Yes then…" he whispered venomously as he turned away and stumbled back through the door.

The day was bright and clear and Akito felt himself annoyed by it. Still the peaceful cheeps of the birds drew him to the windowsill and he felt his face twist in a smirk. Cautiously he extended his index finger and sure enough his beautiful fair bird drifted down to rest upon it. Twittering it looked up at him with such trust and devotion in its eyes, the innocence and simplicity of a being that knew naught of the anguish of the heart was evident in this peaceful creature.

It's body crushed amazingly easy in his tight grasp, crimson dripping from his squeezed fist. The bird emitted frightened shrieks, but they were soon silenced as Akito's daft fingers snapped it's neck effortlessly in two. The bird dropped limp from his fingers to plunge down to the floor with a dull thud.

"You see…" Akito whispered softly to the dead bird, his eyes dull and apathetic. "Trust no one…you dumb bird…"

And as Akito's footsteps faded away, the bird lay there in the dust, the shadows soon covering it's blood-covered broken body.

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The bright sun taunted his sore eyes as he stepped out the front door, quickly shutting it behind him. He was dressed in the clothes that a normal teenager should have been wearing. His skin itched at the tightness of the cloth, unused to such restrained clothes. He had never been one much for these kind of things. There was no real point. It's not like he went outside very often anyway.

He turned his face up to the sun, letting his face bask in it's rays, only to find that he disliked the feeling of the sun burning his flesh. His eyes watched the leaves as they drifted lazily back and forth on the trees, restrained only by their branches that kept them from floating away into the world. Soon when it turned to autumn, they would be released, allowed to fly across the sky and find their own spot to rest. And yet there would always been that one little brown leaf, dried and rotting, it's branch still clinging tight onto it, never letting it go. It would never get a opportunity to see the world and it would die alone there on it's branch, jealous of it's brothers that got a chance to soar.

Akito let his breath out slowly, his dark hair falling over his eyes and shading them from all the beauty around him that he despised. It was this whole world that had cursed him, that had rejected him, that had never given him a chance. It wasn't like he had ever wanted much. It wasn't like he was being picky. And now his heart was so full of hate that he couldn't restrain it anymore. It was pouring from him and he was helpless to stem the flow. And everyone blamed him, when…when…

"Akito, what are you doing out here?" Hatori's cold voice cut into his thoughts and Akito quickly spun around in surprise.

"Why is it any of your damn business, Hatori?" Akito retaliated harshly, his eyes flashing.

Hatori's fingers gripped tightly around Akito's upper arm in a grip that would be considered normal to any other person, but to Akito's worn and weakened body it was considerably more painful. "You aren't supposed to go out alone."

"I can do as I please." Akito stated, his eyes cold as he pried Hatori's fingers away from his arm.

"And what if you were to get hurt, or lost or…" Hatori began.

"Oh yes, let's think of that, Hatori. If I was to die, then I wouldn't be here to suffer for your stupid little curse, now would I?" Akito said sarcastically. "What a shame that would be. But why the hell does it matter anyway. We all know I'm going to die soon. Why not just make it sooner? No one would freaking care…no one would care at all."

"Akito, it's my job to take care of you. You are very weak now and if you were to have another attack out in the street…" Hatori rationalized, but Akito was beyond rational thinking.

"Yes, exactly, it's just your job, nothing more. It's not like you really care. I'm leaving for a while." Akito said simply as he turned away and started to walk out onto the street and away from the Sohma estate.

The summer afternoon was bright in contrast to Akito's sombre mood. The streets were full of people at this time of day. Akito knew not which day it was, but he figured that it had to be a school day considering that fact that boys and girls of various ages were wandering around in their school uniforms, probably on their way home from school.

Akito's eyes lingered over the faces of the people that passed him by. They had their lives ahead of them, no matter how long or how short, they were not burdened with the knowledge. They could lives their lives happily because no matter if it was true or not, they could always look forward to the future ahead of them. They had no reason to fear death because they could believe in a long future. They could look forward to the next morning, thinking of it as a renewal and a new chance to carve a future for themselves, when all he could think of it was one less day that he had left to live.

Akito's eyes hardened. All these people here, would never understand what it was to be him. They would never know the pain. They were all born for a purpose and the only purpose Akito was to serve was his death. This wasn't life, this was just a lie. All he could do was watch them all, going on with their lives, and he would sit there inside of that empty house, separated from the world by a sheet of glass. Staring out the window he would watch for hours at what he knew he would never be able to get.

When he was younger he had cried himself to sleep many times, the tears soaking his pillow, but he soon discovered that tears would change nothing. The more that he cried the more that everyone just said that he was afraid, that he was spoiled, that he was selfish. The truth was that, yes, he was afraid of death that loomed inevitably in his future, he was scared of not living anymore. As a kid it's hard to handle that burden, but he was forced to carry it. It had all been decided when he had born and no one had even asked him. The more he grew up, the more he hurt and the more that he released that sorrow onto others.

Akito drifted down past the park, his feet sounding oddly loud on the pavement as he ran his hands through his dark hair. A cynical smirk drifted onto his lips. All these people would find the truth out one day. They would realize that people aren't beautiful, they're ugly creatures yearning for their own desires, willing to hurt others to get what they want. They were all so ignorant. Didn't they realize that they would spend their entire lives working for something only to find that it meant absolutely nothing at all? Still he envied them. In their ignorance they were able to find happiness, unlike him.

Akito's body grew tired speedily, his feet slowed as he wandered over to a park bench and sat down. He was beginning to grow annoyed with the noise of the city and the people that he despised so greatly, but his body was too tired to move him from that spot. He hated that he was so weak, that this body was slowly fading away from him no matter how hard that he tried to keep it going. He looked down at his palm and slowly squeezed his hand into his fist. He needed so bad to hurt something, but there was no one and nothing he could take his anger out on right now. It would just have to remain all in his aching heart for now.

The afternoon faded away into evening, dying as it did everyday, letting a darkness surround the earth. Akito was still sitting silent on that park bench when the street lamps clicked on, their sickening yellow glow flickering and causing shadows to form on his features. Slowly he stood and turned down the abandoned streets. The night seemed to beckon him, but he knew he must return. He no longer had a desire to see the world. He wanted nothing more than to be home where he could do as he pleased, even if it hurt to be trapped inside of there.

The streets were quiet. Akito enjoyed the silence very much. It was the kind of lonely hurting silence that he was so accustomed to. Even though it was painful, it was something that he enjoyed. Shadows cast heavily on his face, shadows of melancholy, silhouettes of detestation. His footsteps were heavy with the weight of his soul.

The night was cool and a light breeze tugged at the ends of his shirt, making it move gently back and forth. His hair fell down to leave his face deep in the shadows, as though when you stared into his face you were staring into the face of nothing itself, an endless pit of stagnant emotion that pulled you in, an infinite void.

Down the darkened streets he went, past glowing neon signs, past tramps on the street, past all the ruffians out in the street and the crazy parties. All that which he could not relate to. All that which he begun to hate. He despised the crowd of people as they swarmed around going about their little insignificant lives. Why did they try so hard? Didn't they all know that it was all worthless because they were just going to die in the end. Why did they work and sweat for all these things that would mean nothing to them in the end?

Akito felt a sudden urge grow within him. This wild desire that burnt through his veins, that coursed through his very being. It was calling to him and his soul longed to answer. He yearned to feel their throats in his hands, crushing those delicate slim necks, hearing them scream as he felt the fear coursing through their bodies. He wanted their blood to spill fresh and crimson onto his hands and he would laugh because he knew this was true life. It was nothing, but a pathetic lie and the only thing that could ever come from it was death itself.

He turned away from the main street, his breath coming in short as he gasped trying to restrain his mounting desires. Into the alleyway he fled, unable to take the noise and the crowd any longer. Filth littered the cement ground in the tiny space between the two buildings, old cardboards boxes littered here and there and bright graffiti painted on the walls. He leaned against its slimy surface for a moment, trying to regain his composure.

His eyes rolled back in his head and he moaned. This desire was too overwhelming. It was more than he'd ever felt before. It was almost like…he was coming alive just thinking about that pure sweet blood and how it must taste on his lips, smearing on his face, dripping down onto the ground. He pounded his fist hard against the rough bricks trying to clear his head, but it only made things worse when he saw the blood accumulating on a small wound on his hand.

It was only a small drop of blood, that ran like a tear down his hands, looking so horribly tainted as it ran down his pale innocent skin. It burned like fire on his skin and his soul lapped it up like it was holy water. Blood was truly the most beautiful thing in the world.

Akito rose from his daze with fearful eyes and he stared down at his bleeding hand in horror.

"What have I become?" he asked weakly as he began to stumble along, deeper into the maze of confusing alleys. His whole mind was becoming confused. So many things that seemed like illusions, passing visions of hatred and violence that just would not go away. They haunted his every step until he had no idea if he even existed anymore.

A scream interrupted his thoughts and he dodged back into the alley where he had just come from. Peering through the shadows of darkness he glimpsed a young girl out on the dark street. Another man, tall, shadows obscuring his features had appeared and grabbed her tightly by the wrist.

"Shut your fucking mouth before I blast your frickin' brains out." His harsh voice threatened as he pressed a gun up hard against her head.

The girl whimpered and Akito just see a sparkle of tears in the sick glow of the streetlight. The thug dragged her into the nearby corner where no one could see what he was doing. Akito sighed and walked out of the alleyway and down the street. The screams of the girl faded away into the night, her frighten yells begging for anyone to save her were nothing but an annoying buzz to Akito's ears. He didn't even flinch when a loud gunshot was heard, silencing the night.

The moon was high in the sky, leering over the world by the time that Akito reached the Sohma estate once more. He was again stoic, his heart overcome with the stillness and solitude of his sadistic being. It was though something inside him had twisted, disabling him from feeling anything. And true night descended upon him and he felt a new sort of longing. A longing for the beautiful flesh, and pain, and suffering. Ah yes, sweet ecstasy.

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**Author's Note:** Know how I can improve? Please leave me a review. Thank you.


	2. Chapter Two

Author's Note:

The things written in italics in the beginning are Akito's darker self talking to himself.

Chapter Two

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All the blood that gushes, it's all so beautiful. Smearing, flowing, the crimson on my blade...It won't stop it's flow because I won't let it. I can't stop. I can't let the blood stop flowing. I just want it to go and go and go.

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Akito was laying on the top his bed, prostrate and unmoving. Though his physical being did not move his mind was spinning and racing, moving at far faster pace than his body could ever hope to obtain. All these shadows, silhouettes, haunting him. All those faces peering at him. They wouldn't leave him alone. He could hear their voices repeating over and over in his head. Those little voices that whispered to him, telling him he was worthless and that everyone around him was worthless to. They were telling him to hurt. They were telling him to kill.

Akito flipped over on his back and stared up at the shadowed ceiling. His light was still on, even in the dead of night when he was trying to sleep because if he didn't…than…they would get him. Those voices that taunted him, they would be able to reach out and grab him in the darkness with nothing to protect him. He would be stripped bare of his sanity and they would consume him.

After all how do you escape an insanity that eats you alive every time you breathe? How are you to keep breathing then, when you know that all it can bring you is all this horrible pain? How are you supposed to know why you keep going on when you know that there's nothing for you? All these questions clawed at his mind, ripping his resolve apart with only the voices to answer him.

_It's all because you're scared to end it all. You're afraid that maybe if you die, than no one will care that you've left. You're scared that maybe you'll mean even less to everyone if you're dead…because then…they'll finally be able to forget you, just like they always wanted to. It's because they might hate you, that's why you can't die. _

"That's not true!" Akito screamed out at the faces. "I don't care if they hate me. It doesn't matter to me."

_Oh, but it does. You care so much that it's tearing you apart. You want them to love you, you want someone to care. You fear that they hate you so you lash out at them, angry, only making them hate you more. What a twisted freak you are. _

Akito did not have an answer this time. He couldn't feel. This shadows were possessing him, they were becoming him. He looked around his room. It was so terribly empty. He had no possessions that had ever meant anything to him. Nothing that he had ever really cared for. He angrily swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up, pacing back and forth across the room, an empty room with empty feelings like the sound of the hollow winter wind slicing through the cold night.

Silence seeped into the room till there was nothing left but the sound of sliding silk against the wooden floor as Akito paced. He stopped, turning towards the window where a single chair sat there alone. It was that chair that was always there, staring out the window, gathering dust in it's solitude. Akito didn't know why it was there. He never sat in it and still it stood there, all alone. And still even though Akito acknowledged this fact, he had never brought himself to ever remove it or to ever sit in it.

Akito sat back down on the edge of my bed, his fingers dangling useless till he felt them grip tightly around the sharp edges of a blade he had long hidden under his bed, already causing a faint smudge of crimson on the blade. The metal glinted in the dim light of the room and he stared at it transfixed as his mind began to wander.

_Do you know what it is like to be me? _

_I look into my reflection and I don't know the person that's staring back. I look at them and I wonder who they are. I wonder…if that person…even exists. I realize how fake that I have become. _

_I can't fight through the endless darkness that threatens to swallow me up. This putrid hatred that courses through me is only the sadistic and lonely feelings I have. I want to have that happiness that seems to be only inches away from my outstretched fingertips. I'm reaching, can't you see? I'm reaching for it, but I can't hold it. I can never hold it close to me like everyone else seems to do. _

_I feel like I've lost myself. I feel like I can no longer perceive things around me as they truly are, that I can no longer see the significances of things. This is what I have become, but I do not know how I became this way. I have lost my core, my soul, my heart. I can't feel it anymore and all this pain is coming from this void within me, a hollow void, an empty space, one where rage and hatred echoes chanting along with my sorrow. There is no stopping this song, this melody that refusing to cease reverberating through my skull, through my body until I am filled with nothing but these empty feelings that achieve nothing but gaining me a deeper sense of the void._

_I find that I have become nothing and I long for all those things that I can not have. I long for happiness and joy, but not the happiness as others find it. I lust for the pleasure of crimson, of a sort of repentance and peace, and I long for the pain, the pain of others to join my song. It is a beautiful melody contrasted with a complimenting harmony. In this ugliness we craft forward an object of beauty, the blood of my body will suffice to create such a thing, but without the harmony it is lacking it's true completion in beauty. _

The knife dropped from his hands in disgust. His own suffering was not enough to create what he truly wanted. Slowly he walked over to the window, pressing his bloody fingers against the glass and peering outside. He couldn't see much in all the darkness. There was no colour at all in that world of night. There were only shades of grey, things without meaning and without purpose. It was a time of loneliness where the wind swept viciously through the souls of those who were insomniac enough to still be awake at this late hour.

The clouds passed on, globs of misshaped grey that shifted to reveal the only true brilliance of the night, the pale soft demeanor of the moon itself. It shone through the darkness and Akito felt it calling out to his soul. He longed to touch it's magnificent rays, to feel it tickle his flesh as he wrapped it around his fingers and it soothed all his trouble away.

A face began to come to him, as he stared at the luminescent moon. This wasn't like all the others. Instead of jeering at him, this face was crying, as though it knew sorrow, it understood what fear was. The face of the boy was pale and soft and Akito longed to reach out his hand and stroke it. Deep amethyst eyes stared deeper into his as though they were reaching out and touching his very own soul hesitantly. Those pools of glistening violet that reflected the very same sorrow that festered deep in his heart. It was Yuki's face that he saw, leering there before him, as beautiful as the moon.

Akito felt longing for that placid beauty that only Yuki could possess, the beauty that shone its brightest in his sorrow. The elegance, the complexity, the grace that Akito so long to own.

_He is like the moon to you. You can not live if you do not bask in the rays of his sorrow._

The dawn rose slowly as Akito sat and watched, angry as he saw the sun replace his beautiful moon. There was no bird's chirping to greet it, only a cold body on a hard stone floor, forgotten and tossed away. The orange rays filtered through the trees branches towards Akito's room like fingers reaching out desperately to grasp the darkness and make it all fade away in its brightness. And as the sun defeated the night yet again Akito let his hand fall from the window and he turned away from it. He did not wish to see all that terribly bright light. He wished only for the pale soft, tragic beauty that he had been able to glimpse in the night. What he wanted was…Yuki.

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Yuki woke long after the sun had risen on the horizon. He gingerly rubbed the sleep from his eyes, longing to go back to bed, but knowing that if he slept for much longer than Tohru would worry for him. It was a Saturday and he was glad that he didn't have school to attend to. He didn't know if he was up to another day with girls fanning over him left and right. He was really glad just to be a home with people who looked past his appearance. Like Tohru for instance.

Yuki felt himself blush a little as he tried to steer his thoughts away from the brown-haired girl that had come to live with them. He shouldn't be thinking about her right now anyway. There were other things that he should be doing. Yes, like getting dressed and getting some breakfast into his body!

He picked out on of his usual casual outfits, a white Chinese tunic style shirt and some matching blue pants. He brushed his pale lavender/grey hair out once and then looked in the mirror. Yes, everything seemed to be in place. A new start to a new day. He had not a clue as for the horror that lay in wait ahead of him.

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Akito left his rooms late that afternoon. He had spent most of the morning in a restless sleep, till his insomnia provoked him to rise and seek out something to quell this insufferable monotony. He might as well go to check in with Hatori for his daily check-up. The quiet doctor always did insist on it so, though Akito's presence seemed to do nothing more than bother him. Akito resented those moments, when Hatori's measuring eyes bore deep inside of him and he felt like his soul was stripped naked to the man's harsh scrutiny. He always felt so dirty, as though Hatori never thought he was good enough, like he wasn't worth anything.

It wasn't long before Akito reached Hatori's office and he stood outside the door wondering if he should knock or just barge his way in. He didn't want Hatori to think that he was afraid of him, that was far from it. Akito would never admit to any one else any fear that he locked deep away in his heart. Finally he creaked the door open and sauntered in as though all the feelings of doubt and sadness in his heart did not exist.

"I'm here Hatori." Akito said sharply, just how he wanted to sound. He was not going to sound weak. He was not going to let any think that they could take advantage of him.

"Hmmm…yes…come over here so I can administer you daily check." Hatori said as he picked up his clipboard and looked at Akito sternly.

Akito drug his feet over to stand in front of the dragon doctor. Why did Hatori always seem to stir up such hateful and odd feelings in his body. Why did he have this desire to try to be strong in front of the one person who knew how weak he truly was? The uselessness of it did not make sense at all, but Akito could not stop the feeling, no matter how hard he tried. His helplessness in the situation only served to infuriate him even more so.

"Hatori?" Akito asked suddenly, as a thought popped into his mind.

"Yes." Hatori asked, pausing for a moment in his examination to look up at him.

"I need to have a visit with Yuki…tonight…"

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"Days like these are so beautiful." Tohru commented quietly as she smiled up at him with those big blue eyes that he just melted away into.

Yuki glanced away with a sigh and plucked a blade of grass from the ground, rolling it between his fingers. "There are so few of them these days."

"Yes, but then again, if they all were so beautiful there would be nothing special about them!" She said cheerily as she tucked her legs beneath her and sat down beside him.

There were sitting out on the grass just a little bit away from his garden patch. They had been working out here for quite a while and had stopped to take a bit of a break and enjoy the sunshine. Yuki was having a hard time enjoying himself with thoughts of a certain phone call from Hatori that he had received earlier.

Yuki continued to stare down at the blade of smashed grass in his fingers, something so fragile crushed without even a thought. He tossed it away and turned to look at her once more.

"Akito wants me to visit him." Yuki said, trying to keep his voice at a normal drawl, which really wasn't working. Inside his heart was twisting with anxiety and memories that refused to fade with age. They were still as sharp and clear as ever. It's cruelly funny how bad memories always seemed to do that.

Tohru was quiet for a while before she gently rested a hand on his and blushed as he looked up at her with surprise. "I'm sure everything will turn out fine."

Yuki felt himself truly smile for the first time that day. "Thank you, Miss Honda."

"_I just hope you're right' _

**Author's note: **I know it's a bit shorter, but I wanted to post it because I'm not gonna have a lot of time. It spend me hours mulling over this just to get it the way I wanted it. Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Just to be clear, **this in no way follows the manga and it's plot**. Any "errors" are supposed to be there. This is mostly based off the anime since I haven't read all the manga that's out there yet. I know there are certain "things" pertaining to Akito that makes this fic extremely inaccurate, but for the sake of that I didn't know about it when I started writing it, I shall continue on with the original plot. Thank you very much.

**Chapter Three**

There was a certain reassurance in the dark for Akito, shadows casing the inescapable truth of reality and distorting the perception of actuality from fabrication. The way the placid fingers of darkness would caress his features lingering and leaving its subtle marks on the somber facades of the feeble. In the dark it was simple to conceal what he did not want exposed, easy to merge in with the gloomy silhouettes that line the walls in an infinite row, easy…easy to be himself in the comfort of knowing no one else would know. Now, though, the night had long faded away, his sanctuary destroyed till it returned.

Turning his vacant eyes across the gentle blowing flowers in the garden outside he let his mind wander.

_Humans are so artificial these days, wearing masks to cover up their true selves. Even knowing that I do it, I can not help but be sickened. _

_And yet masks often diminish when the shadows rise, masks of obscurity that hide the true natures of their bearers during the sunlit hours, veiling pain and emotion alike from unwanted spectators. It's in the night that we feel consumed by the pain that we had been hiding from prying eyes all day long. Letting the anguish surge out from our masks that were begging to be broken we find ourselves enraptured in our own sorrow unable to be torn away from it. Finding ourselves sickly drawn to the suffering and torturing of our own hearts in some perverse longing for sympathy and attention. We are always consumed in our dilemmas and unable to see beyond our own petty desires._

_It is in this way that we cloak our idiosyncrasies, fearing that they will be ridiculed, dreading that the deformities of our souls will be exposed to the true light. In that way we truly are repulsive creatures. We judge only by what it is that our eyes can perceive. We live just barely skimming the surface of what's beneath, beasts of appearance rather than intellect. _

Disgruntled, Akito drew himself up and away from the window, tired of looking out at all that normalcy that continued on outside. The world did not care for his problems, his hurt. The world would do nothing to help him, so why should he care about it? No one seemed to truly care about him, not even…Hatori.

_Why is it that he is the only one whose I eyes I can never looked into without feeling as though he has just seen my entire soul. Why is it that's he's the only one that can make me tremble? Whenever I look at him, all this hate boils up inside of me, all these feelings of hopelessness and sometimes I feel like breaking down right there in front of him, but I can't. He's the one person I've never been able to convince that I'm strong, the one I've never been able to fool into thinking that I can really handle this. _

_He's the only one that can look into my eyes and see the me inside that never stops crying. _

:--:

Anxiety raced through his veins as Yuki approached the front gates of the Sohma estate. What had ever lied behind those walls, but sadness, pain, and hate? What was ever gained, ever obtained by living these false lives, hidden away in their shelled world?

Reaching a shaking hand out he touched the weathered wood entrance. _Why am I returning? I know…I know what he's going to do, but yet I still return. I can't…I can't refuse an order from him because if I do than horrible things will happen…things more horrible than what will already occur. Why, oh why do I always return to him in the end? I don't think things will ever change. _

What Yuki failed to realize was that the true questions was, why were people always so weak? Everyone has a weakness, a fault. Everyone is far from perfect.

Yuki walked down the long hallway to the room where Akito was waiting for him. His feet sounded so forlorn on the dusty floor, a mellow resonance that had no beginning and no real end. Light struggled in from thick paper windows, lit dimmed by restraints that withheld it from displaying its true radiance, it's real potential. A weak feeble glow in a equally frail world.

He entered next the room, a room that was quite familiar to him. It was a room that had witnessed the past, bearing secrets through the years, and going to bear witness to the ones to come.

"Welcome, Yuki. I've been waiting quite a while now." Akito's icy voice penetrating deeply into him. Why was it that that voice always seemed so uncaring, so bitter, so angry?

Yuki did not respond to his comment because words would not form on his lips. Memories returned to his mind, the haunted images that were never completely erased from his memories. Reminiscences of darkness, flashes of pain, and images blurred by events that did not wished to be retained.

"Do you know what I want most Yuki?" the chilly voice of Akito's voice crept along his skin like the bitter fingers of frost creeping along panes of fragile glass. Yuki was like a child again, his body shivered as he backed up against the hard wall, his eyes clenching shut, and his little hands gripping nervously on his shirt that was tightly bunched up in those small palms.

Akito let one of his fingers trace along one soft pale cheek that glowed in the white light of the moon that shone in through the half open window. Yuki's body tried to fold deeper in on itself, but found itself trapped and no where to go, back into the corner as far as it could possible hide.

Akito drifted forward so that his lips gently brushed against the rim of Yuki's ear, his breath tickling and sending shivers of fear down Yuki's spine. "You…"

Yuki was so scared that Akito could feel his frighten trembles reverberate against his skin and it only lit his body on fire to know that all this fear was because of himself. His aching soul lapped up all the exquisite torture that was radiated off Yuki's luscious body and he felt himself stirred on as he roughly brushed away the soft violet locks from Yuki's pale beautiful neck. His lips connected eagerly with the tender sweet flesh as they roamed tasting him, biting the skin and letting the blood dribble down his lips. Akito closed his eyes finding himself consumed with the need to ravish Yuki's entire porcelain body, fragile like the tiny hands of a newborn baby.

The fabric of Yuki's tunic tore in Akito's shaking hands, revealing pale smooth chest that Akito longingly ran his fingers trickling down causing Yuki to shiver in fear again. His fingers gently traced each curve and each line, memorizing this precious immortal body that he wished to possess forever, a treasure sent from the heavens above. Akito's eyes lit with fire as his gentle admiring caresses turned into bruising pressure and his fingers scraped leaving little trails of crimson behind them. After all, what was more beautiful than a blood trenched angel? Akito felt right now that only the sobs and tears of such a celestial being could ever hope to cleanse the darkness festering in the abyss that was his heart.

Yuki was whimpering, it sounded so pathetic, so wounded that it spurred Akito on quicker as he pinned the boy down beneath him. Ripping away at the rest of his clothes, he tore his way into the pure body in front of him, pleasure rippling through Akito's body. Pounding deeper inside, Akito grinned at the sound of Yuki's screams of pain.

Akito began to moan at the intense pleasure around him, the tightness of Yuki squeezing his arousal.

The world around him was fading, even Yuki's screams. Everything faded into this intense physical pleasure, burying himself deeper and deeper with each stroke he could feel his climax approaching. And it was there in a flash of intensity and obscurity, and it was suddenly over as he felt all the heat surge through his body and spilling himself into Yuki. Akito's head begun to spin as he returned to coherent thought.

_And when I took that last look into your eyes, I found myself looking at not you, but someone else's face. That look of pain, that hurt, the fear, the hatred, the dirtiness, it wasn't yours. It was **mine**. _

Akito released the sobbing body from his grasp and slowly backed away, watching in horror as Yuki curled up and began to shake uncontrollable.

"What have I done?" Akito whispered quietly as he looked down at his hands, covered in Yuki's crimson blood.

No matter how hard you try to run, the simple truth is that you'll never escape the blood that stains your hands. Trying to erase your past is like trying to erase yourself, you can only succeed if you kill yourself or bury yourself so deep within that you no longer know who you are. Deep within your mind, you become lost, a victim of random thought, with no emotion, no feeling….and no soul.

Akito began to feel himself fade deep into his mind.

"_Why did you do it Akito?" Hatori said coolly, looking at him over the rim of his glasses._

"_Do what?" Akito said, turning away from him so that he no longer had to look him in the eyes. _

"_Why did you rape him?" the doctor persisted, grabbing his face roughly and forcing Akito to stare deep within his eyes. _

"_I…" Akito stuttered, tears coming to his eyes. _

"_Why did you? Is it because you desire him? Is it because you hate him?" _

"_I…I don't know…" Why wouldn't those eyes stop boring so deep into him? _

"_Yes you do. You're hiding the truth. You wanted to hurt him. You wanted him to suffer." _

"_Shut up! I can do what the fuck I want! I am the head of this family!" He tried to jerk himself away, but Hatori wrapped his arms around Akito, bring him close against his body. _

"_You wanted him to suffer because you suffer…You wanted him to feel your pain!" Hatori's arms tightened around him even more. _

"_No that's not it! I just...I just…" Akito mumbled, trying futilely to pull away._

"_Just what?" Hatori's voice cut into him deeper and deeper with each word. "You just wanted to have a little fun, work off a little bit of that sexual frustration…" _

"_No the truth is…" Akito whispered as he felt himself shrink away in the abyss of Hatori's embrace. _

"_The truth is that…you took him…because you couldn't have me…." Hatori whispered slowly into his ear. _

_You don't love me. Stop pretending, stop lying. I want to know the truth. In my mind, I hear you whispering…tell me the truth…_


End file.
